I’m a firm believer in goal setting; it’s the intention behind making something you want an actual ‘RIGHT I’M DOING THIS”, and breaking it down so that it’s achievable and measurable and those other words that makes a goal a ‘SMART’ goal (if I never see that acronym again I won’t be mad) that sets apart a dreamer from a go-and-getter.
I believe in having goals in every area of your life; a life based only around career goals makes me sad. You should want more for yourself in every area. It’s not just the achievement of set goals, but the process too. It’s realising you’re edging closer, it’s noticing your confidence blooming as you start improving. It’s the things that get you out of bed in the morning; it’s doing something every day that gives you satisfaction, that makes you feel the good kind of tired. It’s knowing that you’ve given the day your best.
Happy Monday! Today all I wanted to share was my reading list full of recommended reads that I ALWAYS pass onto clients. September seems to spring an era of change, and ooooobviously we’re all taking part in Self-Care September…obviously. So these books are combining the best of all worlds; care, change, productivity, the satisfaction of staying indoors now it’s getting chilly.
It took me SO long to narrow it down to 6, but if you’re going to read any books to get you through your 20’s, make them these!
Happy September! This year has gone by too fast for my liking, but August seemed to last about 60 days, right?
Today, since it’s the first day of September, I wanted to talk about self-care and Self-Care September.
When I’m talking with clients we talk about a lot of different practices of “self” – self esteem, self awareness, self respect. I’m still seeking a term for ‘self-love’ that doesn’t make the British cringe, because I do so thoroughly believe you should love yourself, but as Louis C.K. said,
“Self love is a good thing, but self awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole’.”
Daily habits, of the positive variety it seems, take a lot more conscious effort than the ‘bad habits’, don’t they? I can quite easily find myself six coffees in with little recollection; I’m sure a smoker finds their own vice pretty effortless. But to floss my teeth or put my phone down an hour before bed takes a real vigorous attempt of me.
Experts say it takes 21 days to form a habit. (There’s a super piece on the Huffington Post on the science behind forming habits and it’s now assumed it’s actually about 66 days.) I don’t at all agree with 21 days; I’ve been trying to make a daily habit out of flossing for several years. I think it depends a great deal upon the habit; how time-consuming it is, how much physical effort it requires, how fun-sucking it is.
I also think that to unlearn a bad habit takes even longer, proven by the difficulty of giving up smoking or trying to stay off of social media for more than five minutes. (more…)
I confess I am an over thinker only worsening with age. Though I perhaps try to worry less about things that are out of my control, though I care much less what anyone else thinks and though I’m content with how I’m going about life & have reached the blissful age of feeling no need or desire to justify my life to others, I still overanalyse the details and I still overthink situations to the point of regular frustration. I am physically incapable of not wanting to understand how a person sees things or what they meant by what they said, or even more personally, what I could have done differently and what I should have said (I for one am incredibly witty/convincing/charming AFTER a conversation).
Overthinking has its benefits. I am sometimes infuriatingly driven to understand people and love people and ‘get’ them in any way possible. Recently I found myself trying so hard to ‘get’ one particular person that the only person I really ‘got’ any better was myself. But for the most part, it lets me have the closest relationships and it lets me learn a great deal.
However. Undeniably, sometimes it’s a f**king pain in the ass to think so much. To not let a conversation or a situation just be. The majority of the girls I coach agree; perhaps that’s why coaching has its advantages; it allows you to overthink out loud. So I’m working on lessening the habit to a healthy point, where it’s good to think a little too much but not so much that your life becomes a pattern of Shoulda Woulda Coulda…because You Didn’t and going over it won’t achieve anything.
So how do we balance out our tendency to overthink? How do we, put bluntly, chill out a little bit?