I confess I am an over thinker only worsening with age. Though I perhaps try to worry less about things that are out of my control, though I care much less what anyone else thinks and though I’m content with how I’m going about life & have reached the blissful age of feeling no need or desire to justify my life to others, I still overanalyse the details and I still overthink situations to the point of regular frustration. I am physically incapable of not wanting to understand how a person sees things or what they meant by what they said, or even more personally, what I could have done differently and what I should have said (I for one am incredibly witty/convincing/charming AFTER a conversation).
Overthinking has its benefits. I am sometimes infuriatingly driven to understand people and love people and ‘get’ them in any way possible. Recently I found myself trying so hard to ‘get’ one particular person that the only person I really ‘got’ any better was myself. But for the most part, it lets me have the closest relationships and it lets me learn a great deal.
However. Undeniably, sometimes it’s a f**king pain in the ass to think so much. To not let a conversation or a situation just be. The majority of the girls I coach agree; perhaps that’s why coaching has its advantages; it allows you to overthink out loud. So I’m working on lessening the habit to a healthy point, where it’s good to think a little too much but not so much that your life becomes a pattern of Shoulda Woulda Coulda…because You Didn’t and going over it won’t achieve anything.
So how do we balance out our tendency to overthink? How do we, put bluntly, chill out a little bit?
I set myself a resolution, a goal of sorts, about a month ago…fuelled mostly by a short burst of insomnia which meant I was habitually journaling or book writing at 2am most nights, that consisted of doing 10 things that I was afraid to do. I think I’d read an article on “You must do the thing you think cannot do” or something. I was having a Kate phase.
So I formed a tired and slightly rushed list of 10 things that scared me/made me nervous that I had to get done by the end of the year. Earlier this month I ticked off what I’d call one of my ‘physical fears’; getting in the sea. I have an irrational childhood fear of the sea, as silly as it sounds, so it was a biggie for me to get in. It was a vodka shot, actually. (more…)
ONE. None of us are fucking up like we think we are. We’re always making progress even if we don’t feel like we are.
TWO. It’s not unhealthy to dwell a little, because that’s how you figure out what you think and what matters to you. That’s what opens your mind to new perspectives & helps you realise what you don’t want to do again. It’s what matures you. You should spend time dwelling, but not so much that you pass off chances to live & make new memories…and more shit to dwell over.
I confess, unapologetically, that I will most probably read every one of Laura Jane’s blogs/articles, fangirl over her #laurajanenaked and #lauradoesless hashtags on Instagram, and review any book she ever writes even if one day she pens a book on —–, because it would probably still be a good read.
I reviewed Laura Jane’s Becoming after I fell in love with it within a day back in October and I over-enthusiastically told anyone who would listen about it for a good three months. It taught me to appreciate break-ups as new beginnings, to enjoy being okay being on your own, and to be a better writer simply by being honest. So OF COURSE I was thrilled to hear she was writing another book. And of course I knew it was going to be something beautiful and brilliant when I heard the title Ice Cream for Breakfast.
Devoured within a day again. Dog-eared far too many pages. Even forced myself to do the 19 Things I Like About Myself list.
Feeling like my life is an almost toppling tower of books (quite literally) waiting patiently on my nightstand hoping to be picked up and feeling increasingly ignored when my head hits the pillow instead. So many books, so little time. Is it acceptable to say that even when I’m out, opening the next bottle of wine and laughing obnoxiously with friends, that a tiny part of me would rather be curled up on the sofa with my nose in a book instead? Not sure if I’m turning 25 or 75.
In my old lady defence, there are SO many books out that require devouring at the moment! I was so excited for April to swing around (although the months can now SLOOOOW down please) because I’d finally be getting my hands on Hannah Witton’s Doing It, Daisy Buchanan’s How To Be a Grown-Up and Laura Jane William’s Ice Cream For Breakfast. I love all three of these ladies and their work so I was thrilled to finally have copies of their books in my hands.
Apparently I was so excited for How To Be a Grown-Up that I pre-ordered it twice. (more…)